Kaleena Nero (kaleenass) wrote,
Kaleena Nero
kaleenass

confused

i am lost again
afraid to take a step forward
feeling like i might be stepping back a bit
sometimes u have to to see everything
i actually prayed yesterday
and its been a minute
i've asked God for some direction
but i think right now it's nothing
nothing in the future
its like i've realized i'm going to die
months before its supposed to happen
and everything is out of wack now cause of it
cant get a loan
but bright side ill be able to apply for fafsa alone soon
hopefully they give me some money woot!
probably not
my grades have been shit since forever
thinking about job corp and havent heard one good story about it
NOT ONE
well one but not like the whole story
i cant be so blind
i have to lookto the sides as well as forward
but nothing seems like it makes sense
i'm going soemwhere soon
no matter the idea or place
no matter the function
my head is too much in a rutt
it's rotting and soon will be gone
im nto even sure if i want to do photographya nymore
havent picked up my camera in a week or so
thats not how photographers should behave
real artists live for their art
i live for another day
of sleeping anime tv and nothingness
without
soon even more without
ha
not really
it doesnt matter
fuck it
maybe its the heat
the summer
the darkness in my room
the lack of iron
the lack of love for self and for God and for everything
nothing makes me happy anymore
nothing in my life
everything is like fuck it
damned
doesnt apply to this life
fucking fuck
i was so optimistic yesterday
and today down to the depths again
imma haev to call tammy next week and find out if i can change my fucking place
i want graphic design and website design
thats my fucking dream and if i cant do it fuck it then
i guess it wasnt meant to be
and i wont push it
fuck i want to cry and just crawl up in a ball in my room and die
but i guess thats no possible
done
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